When people want to improve themselves, they have a weird habit of discouraging others.
This holds true for many aspects of life, including finances, health, and employment.
I believe that feeling discouraged is one of the most difficult emotions to overcome.
It can feel weighty, stagnant, melancholy, and even hopeless.
At some point in their lives, everyone encounters discouragement.
When you’re depressed, it affects every aspect of your life; you’re more likely to see more signals that things aren’t going to work out.
(When you’re down, your brain’s annoying negativity bias makes you more sensitive to anything negative.)
When you’re disheartened, you unconsciously start piling on sentiments and tales from your past, which adds to the storm (just when you need the opposite).
The same thing happened when I registered in celebrity coach Arfeen Khan‘s high-priced life coaching programme.
One of my friends even informed me that with this money, I might have earned another MBA from a reputable institution.
Have you ever faced such discouragement in your life?
You have, I’m sure.
If you’re a working professional, you’re likely to run into such situations as you try to advance your career.
There will be people in your life who try to persuade you not to work harder.
They’ll act as if they care about your well-being, but their motives may be less noble.
They would question about your financial position or aspirations and provide you support if they were truly concerned about you.
Their actual fear is that if you work too hard, they will appear lazy.
They’ll say things like, “Don’t get so caught up in getting a living that you forget to make a life,” or, “Don’t forget to stop and smell the flowers along the road.”
If you look attentively, you’ll realise that the majority of them can’t afford any flowers.
Do you believe that this tendency to put others down while they try to improve themselves is unique to humans?
John Maxwell,No. 1 New York Times bestselling author, coach and speaker who has sold more than 24 million books in 50 languages, recounts the findings of a study on how animals can pull each other down in his book ” Failing Forward.
Four monkeys were confined to a chamber with a central pole. One monkey attempted to climb the pole to obtain a bunch of bananas that were hanging from the top. The experimenters sprayed him with water, knocking him off the pole just as he was about to reach the bananas. The other three monkeys attempted to reach the bananas but were all pushed off the pole by a blast of water. They eventually gave up trying. The researchers then swapped one of the monkeys with a new one who was unaware of the water hose.
He attempted to climb the pole right away, but was dragged down by the others.
Each monkey was replaced one by one by the experimenters.
Each fresh monkey was dragged down as he attempted to ascend the pole.
There were eventually four monkeys who had never been hit by the water explosion.
None of them wanted to climb the pole for some reason, but no one knew why.
Allowing the monkeys in your life to pull you down while you try to climb the success ladder is not a good idea.
Others, on the other hand, try to pull you down when you’re trying to pull yourself up. This is part of what makes life so rich—the highs and lows.
We wouldn’t appreciate the highs if we hadn’t experienced the lows.
Dicouragement, disappointment, failure, and setbacks may all be beneficial if we have a positive mentality.
The key to success in life is to learn from our mistakes and to limit the amount of time we allow ourselves to be disheartened.
People who are negative are an unavoidable part of life.
We are taught to be kind to others our entire lives.
Basic civility is instilled in us by our parents and teachers in every lesson they teach us.
As we grow older, though, we are confronted with situations in which others are not so pleasant to us.
Someone, somewhere, from our classmates to our coworkers to our employers, tries to bring us down.
The motivations for doing so may differ depending on who the individual is; a friend may do it for the sake of amusement, a coworker may be jealous, and a boss may be attempting to assert control.
As adults, we are taught a variety of approaches to dealing with such individuals.
But, in reality, what is the best approach?
To make things easier for you, here are some strategies you can use when someone criticises you.
So, the next time you feel discouraged, follow these measures to maintain your motivation to keep moving forward.
After all, life is about facing challenges and moving forward.
# Don’t take anything too seriously.
You don’t have to be troubled with how another person chooses to act, and if their attitude toward everyone is terrible, you don’t have to be bothered with them.
Don’t let their vitriol affect you, and don’t take anything they say personally.
You’re good to go as long as you know your place when it comes to being kind.
Allowing someone else’s hatred to penetrate your calm life is not a good idea.
# Refrain from reacting immediately.
In instances where there are no consequences, it is sometimes wise not to react.
When someone tries to bring you down, the best course of action is to avoid engaging in a dialogue with them right away since that is exactly what they want you to do.
This does not imply that you are incapable of standing your ground; rather, it demonstrates how you do not allow little irritations to affect you.
It also helps you to become a more tolerant individual.
# Maintain your composure.
Keeping your cool when everyone else is freaking out is certainly a challenging skill to perfect.
However, being able to control your emotions in order to prevent unnecessary conflicts makes you a much greater person.
Being forceful while remaining calm is a fantastic mix that will keep you at ease for the rest of your life.
# Request that they cease.
Certain people have a tendency to go out of hand at times, and their misbehaviour becomes a major issue.
When such a circumstance develops, it is important to inform them that such obnoxious behaviour will not be accepted, and if they still refuse to listen, you can educate them on the potential consequences of their actions.
# Kindness is the best way to kill them.
When you don’t match their vibe, those who try to offend others just for the sake of it get irritated.
When the adversary reacts sweetly and politely, an angry person becomes even more enraged.
Their rage isn’t your concern, and showing them why being furious won’t help them is a terrific way to put them down in return.
# Don’t be a jerk.
You may want to give them a piece of your mind with your own retort, but not everyone deserves it.
You might as well join in if it’s all fun and games with pals and done in good taste.
However, if someone is doing it solely to irritate you, focusing your energy on them is a complete waste of time.
Let them wallow in their own filth if you’re the bigger person.
# Define your limits.
People in friendly circles are always mocking each other.
The most important thing is to be able to tell the difference between someone doing it for laughs and someone attempting to be spiteful.
Set some boundaries for these folks and let them know that while humour is welcomed, their “insults” will not be accepted.
Laughing with someone versus laughing at someone are two entirely different experiences.
# Create a strategy.
People who have a tendency of disparaging or referring to others by their first names are essentially those who have never been taught any better.
Let them know that their actions are not welcomed, but do it without losing your cool.
If it’s someone who is a regular part of your life, try to strike up a conversation with them.
You might be able to analyse their terrible behaviour and figure out what’s bothering them.
# Be supportive of others and ask for their help.
Forming an alliance against someone who is continually trying to put you or others down at work can be really beneficial. When someone like that realises that everyone around them is disgusted by their poor behaviour, they may feel ashamed and decide to stop. If they don’t, they aren’t your concern, and, as previously stated, ignoring them is the best course of action.
Bottom Line :
Finally, tell yourself something encouraging.
A pep talk from yourself can be just as motivating as one from a friend.
This is the self-talk I use to encourage myself, based on a famous phrase by Vincent van Gogh, Dutch painter, thebest of the Post-Impressionists, who sold only one painting during his lifetime but became possibly the most well-known painter of all time after his death.
“In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing”
I hope it inspires you to design one that suits your needs.
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